A New Cane
by Queen of Blank
Summary: House gets a new cane, but obviously does not enjoy it. No longer a oneshot, but a doubleshot! Because I was bored in class today, yet again! 2nd Chapter reposted because the first version had had no editing whatsoever. Enjoy and Review!
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I got bored, which is why I wrote this story! Enjoy if you want! Please review, but please, do not flame…**

Step, limp. Step, limp. Crash!

Dr. House crashed onto the floor, his leg screaming out in agony.

_Wilson filed through my cane again,_ was House's first thought. But then he looked down at the two pieces and saw that they were not straight on the broken edges.

House's cane was dead.

The next morning, House limped into his office with a new cane.

This cane was black with a rubber handle on the top. And by the look on House's face, you could tell he absolutely hated it.

He sat down behind his desk and chunked the cane onto the other side of the room.

Dr. Cameron and Dr. Chase came into the office, and after seeing the scowl on House's face, quickly walked back out.

But Dr. Wilson wasn't going to give up so easily. He walked into House's office, picked up the cane, put it on the desk, and sat down in a chair not far from the desk.

House gave Wilson a menacing look that said something along the lines of "I'm pissed – Get out."

Wilson chuckled.

"It's a cane, House," he said.

"The hookers loved the cane," House replied.

Wilson rolled his eyes.

"Get over it. You won't die because you picked the ugliest cane in the store," he said, giving the cane a dirty look.

House gasped.

"Jimmy!" he exclaimed. "You can't talk about the cane like that!" He lowered his voice, "It has feelings too!"

Dr. Wilson stood up and walked out the door, shaking his head and saying to himself, "Only House…"


	2. Chapter 2

**I kind of changed this a bit because the original one I posted was written and added in a rush, and I had no chance to edit it before I put it up. Here's the fixed version!**

**My oneshot is no longer a oneshot! Enjoy the second chapter!**

--

"House," Cuddy said, storming into his office. "You do realize that I know that this place is so obvious I wouldn't look here, but I am looking here because I know you think that?"

House picked up his head and looked at Cuddy. "Huh?" he said.

Cuddy sighed. "Clinic duty, House. Now."

"But Dr. Cuddy," House said. "I can't reach my cane!" he said helplessly, pointing over at the wall where he had thrown it again.

"Ew," Cuddy said out loud suddenly. "That's not your cane."

House smirked. "Unfortunately, mine broke," he said. "I had to get a new one, and the guy that usually hooks me up with the cool canes was fired. The new guy said this was the perfect cane for me, and, as much as I said no, he said he wouldn't sell me any other cane but that one."

"So you got stuck with that ugly piece of crap?"

House nodded, then laid his head back against the chair. "And that, Dr. Cuddy, is why I can't go to clinic duty"

"I don't think we were talking about that," Cuddy said. "Just pull up a stool and hide the cane in a cabinet. Then you can do that amazing sneak-away trick you do every time I turn around and you're done with a patient. But you don't do that until after you've worked your two hours for today."

House sighed. "But Mom! I don't want anyone to be jealous of my gorgeous cane!"

Cuddy stomped her foot and glared. "House," she said angrily. "Clinic. Now."

"Aye, aye Captain."

--

"Dr. House?" Cameron said, making her way towards the clinic to do her duty also. "What's with the –" She looked down at his black cane. "Cane?"

"My dog ate the old one," he said, and then sped up a little.

"House?" Cameron said.

House turned around.

"It looks nice on you," she said, then turned around and walked towards the office, leaving House standing in the middle of the hallway confused.

--

"I have had a terrible headache for the past week," the woman said.

"Well, _ma'am_," House said. "Have you thought to take maybe, say, I don't know, an _Aspirin_?"

The lady looked at House strangely.

"It's against my religion to take pills."

"There are some liquid medicines."

"I'm allergic to most of those."

"Morphine? Is this the answer you're looking for?"

"As in, needles? Hell no!"

"Well then there's nothing I can do for you." _"Just please leave!" _House thought.

"Doctor, please. There has to be something else you can give me. They won't go away!"

"Sorry," House replied, and then grabbled his ugly cane and started to get up.

"Hey!" the lady yelled then jumped off of the bed and grabbed House's arm. "You are not going anywhere until my Gd damn headache is gone!"

House looked at his arm, then the woman. "I'm sorry," he said, the pulled away and walked to the door. "_Ma'am."_

"_Because we all know," _House thought. _"That ma'am is just another term for Bitch."_

--

**Review! This idea came to me from a bit of last night's episode, and this comedy thing I was watching on HBO!**


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